I'm Sorry
by MelRose7625
Summary: Hiccup has just about had it with being a failure to the Island of Berk. Befriending Toothless was the only thing he ever saw as good in his life, but it would be the ultimate spark of rejection to Berk. Toothless and Berk must band together to save Hiccup from the darkness clouding his mind before its too late. (Rated T because of violence, bad words, and cause I'm plain paranoid)
1. Author Note - Read before Story

**This is a story for 13+ only, please. It involves self-abuse, suicide attempts, curse words, etc. **

**This is probably one of my darkest stories yet. This is also my first How To Train Your Dragon fanfic. Thanks for reading and please, let me know what you think.**


	2. Twisted Mind

The sound of metal hitting metal was the only thing that could be heard by normal human ears from the blacksmith workshop. Every once in a while, you could hear fire molding metal and water sizzling as it cooled it, then the hitting would continue.

But the blacksmith at work, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, didn't hear a thing.

Just last night, his father had to save him from the Nightmare that chased him around the village during the latest dragon raid. Hiccup's distraction allowed the other dragons to escape with half of the village's sheep. Everyone was furious, his father most of all. And Gobber's 'words of wisdom' hadn't helped Hiccup feel better at all.

_"It's not the outside; it's what on the inside that he can't stand," he had explained. _

"Thanks for summing that up," Hiccup mumbled to himself as he hit the metal harder.

_"I've never seen anyone mess up that bad," Snotlout had laughed sarcastically. "That actually helped!"_

Hiccup growled as he tossed the metal onto the burner once more. After heating it up, he slammed it into the water, letting it sizzle before pulling it out again. One more hard hit and he was done. Fueling himself with frustration, he tossed the finished weapon onto the counter and put a fake smile on his face as Astrid, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Snotlout came in.

"Here," Astrid carelessly dropped her weapon into his hands. "It needs sharpening. And be careful with it, it was my mother's."

Hiccup didn't say anything; he just headed over to the weapon sharpener and began working. His peers rolled their eyes towards him, then looked around curiously. Snotlout opened his mouth, most likely to start bullying Hiccup, and Hiccup sighed with relief as Gobber walked in.

"Good evening, kids," he smiled to him. "Can I help you?"

"He's sharpening my weapon," Astrid motioned to Hiccup.

"I have a name," Hiccup grumbled.

"What was that, wimp?" Snotlout leaned towards Hiccup.

Hiccup looked up, glaring at Snotlout before replying, "Nothing."

Gobber cleared his throat. "Snotlout, do I have to throw you out _again _for disrupting my apprentice?"

"No sir," Snotlout angrily replied, turning away from Hiccup.

* * *

Hiccup lazily made his way up to his room. Once again, his dad wasn't home, but Hiccup left some dinner out for him anyway. His dad was Chief Stoick the Vast. Stoick always said he was doing business to keep the village running, but Hiccup knew the real truth: he wanted to stay away from Hiccup. He was an embarrassment of a son; he would never be the golden viking his dad had wanted in a son.

Hiccup flopped down onto his bed and thought about last night.

_"I just wanna be one of you guys," Hiccup had sadly admitted to Gobber before retreating into his home. _

Hiccup narrowed his eyes in disgust of himself. He was _done _wishing he could be one of them. He could feel anger boiling up inside of him, and he knew he needed to get it out before he exploded. And that was when he saw the blade on his desk.


	3. Almost Caught

Hiccup pulled on his fur vest, checking one last time to make sure his long-sleeved green shirt covering his cutting marks. He'd been cutting for about a week now; it'd been a perfect way to release his pain and frustration without, once again, doing something to destroy the village. He was starting to find it hard to keep the smile on his face when someone would say something. And instead of turning his violent thoughts on his people, he turned them onto himself.

His dad had left last night and forced Hiccup to join a dragon-fighting training class. He didn't know why; they were basically setting him up for another failure. Today was supposed to be his first day, but he decided to skip and go for a walk in the woods.

* * *

A Night Fury hid behind a couple of thick trees hearing foosteps come his way. As soon as something came into sight, the dragon lept out and pinned it to the ground. The boy he caught gasped in surprise and struggled to get out.

The dragon looked him over good. He was smaller than the other vikings his age, both in body-built and height. The boy hissed at the slight pressure the dragon placed on his arms and the Fury lifted a paw in confusion. His claw caught on the boy's fabric and pulled it back, revealing many healing knife cuts up and down his arm.

The dragon sniffed them in confusion, wrinkling his nose at the smell of metal mixed with skin and dry blood. He pulled himself off the boy and sat in front of him. The boy scrambled up and backed away until his back collided with a big rock. He was breathing heavily and carefully watching the dragon with fear in his eyes. The dragon slowly lowered himself to the ground, as close as he could, to try and convince the boy he wouldn't hurt him.

The Fury mentally smiled as the boy physically calmed down.

* * *

Astrid sighed, frustrated. Gobber sent her to try and find Hiccup to drag him to class. In her opinion, he didn't deserve to be in that class; he'd be killed before the first dragon was even unleashed. Now if only she could find him.

She'd checked the entire village, and was now walking around his house, trying to find him there.

"Hiccup?"

Still no reply. She wondered what trouble he'd gotten himself into his time; he _had _left his front door slightly open. She wandered up the stairs and entered into a random room. Looking around, she realized it was Hiccup's room. Drawings of his inventions covered the walls and the top of his desk; his bed was unmade and clothes were scattered everywhere. She wandered over to his desk and looked at his drawings.

"These are ... Really good," she chuckled, amuzed. He was an amazing drawer. If only that creativity shifted to his actual real-life inventions.

As she pushed papers around admiring them, she cleared part of the desk, and something shiny caught her eye. She pulled Hiccup's knife that was almost always on his person from under a stack of papers. It was a gift from Gobber when Hiccup first became his apprentice. Then she noticed something dark red and dry on the blade.

"Blood?" she asked herself, examining it.

She jumped hearing a door slam and quickly hid the knife, running to the stairs to see Hiccup stumble in.

"There you are!" she snapped.

He looked up at her in shock.

"Gobber sent me after you!" Astrid scolded him as she grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the house, towards the fighting ring. "Might as well as tardy to your list of mistakes."

She saw Hiccup slightly flinch at her last comment, so she stopped talking. As they walked, she got lost in her mind.

Why was Hiccup's knife hidden in his room? And more importantly, why was there dried blood on it?


	4. Slowly Breaking

Snotlout, Astrid, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Fishlegs were all talking as training was just ending and Gobber was, once again, scolding Hiccup for almost getting killed. They listened closely as voices began to raise.

"Why can't you follow orders?" Gobber shouted.

"Why are you acting like my father?" Hiccup snapped.

Gobber snapped. "Hiccup, don't start. You know he loves you."

"No he doesn't!" Hiccup yelled. All 5 teenagers found themselves jumping at the amount of hatred coming from Hiccup's voice. They'd never heard anything like that from him before. "I'm like the wrong order. _Excuse me, I believe you've brought me the wrong offspring. I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here is a talking fishbone!_"

"Stop, Hiccup!" Gobber spoke up. "Why do you think he put you in Dragon Training? He's giving you a chance!"

"Yeah, another chance to fail!" Hiccup growled. "He's never been proud of anything I do, so why would we start now?"

"Stoick loves you, Hiccup, whether you realize it or not," Gobber tried to calm Hiccup down.

Hiccup laughed, and it made shivers travel down Astrid's spine. It was dark and just not Hiccup. Hiccup had been walking away, but stopped to look back at Gobber once last time.

"He sure has a funny way of showing it," he growled before turning and walking out of the ring.

All teens stood there for a couple of minutes, absorbing what just happened. They all turned to each other, eyes wide.

"Was it just me," Snotlout asked. "Or did that just look like something had possessed Hiccup?"

Astrid just looked towards where Hiccup had left.

* * *

That night, during dinner in the Great Hall, all 5 teens watched as Hiccup grabbed his plate and went to sit at an empty table. He didn't eat though; he just pushed his food around with his fork. Astrid flinched as Snotlout spoke up.

"Hey wimp!" he called to Hiccup. "Are you done having your fits about your daddy issues?"

Hiccup stabbed his food almost unconsciously, and Astrid grabbed Snotout's arm.

"Stop," she said low.

He ignored her. "No wonder he hates you. I bet he wish I was his son instead of his nephew. I'd make a much better chief than you."

"Snotlout," Astrid tugged on his arm with warning. "Cut it out."

Other people began to notice the commotion, and Gobber stood up.

"Snotlout, that's enough," he ordered.

"What?" Snotlout asked innocently. "Can't the little girl take a joke? He said so himself; he's an embarrassment to the entire village. He should just leave."

"Fine!" Hiccup snapped, standing up and pushing his plate away. It flew off the other end of the table and crashed on the floor. Everyone grew quiet. And they watched in shock as Hiccup left the Great Hall without another word.

* * *

Toothless (Hiccup's name for the Night Fury) lifted his head as he heard something slidding down the rocks into the cove he was sleeping in. He looked to see Hiccup come up to him, holding a blanket and a pillow.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Hiccup asked, sniffing.

The dragon slightly purred in response and laid his head back down. He kept one eye slightly open as he watched the boy settle his pillow next to Toothless' stomach, lay down, and cover himself with the blanket. As the boy's breath steadied and softened, Toothless whipped his tail around the boy protectively to hide him if any other dragons came by. Then he closed his eyes and peacefully fell asleep.

* * *

Stoick was sitting with the men and women on his boat as they ate dinner. His sister's brother was talking glory about Snotlout, and Stoick tuned him out. He felt bad for forcing Hiccup into dragon training, especially since Hiccup seemed so scared and uncertain when Stoick had told him, but he wanted to give Hiccup a chance to become a viking, to become accepted in their village. Hiccup would have to become chief someday, so it was time Stoick began training and preparing him.

Stoick left Hiccup in the hands of his best friend and most trusted viking, Gobber. Stoick sighed, realizing Gobber was more of a father to Hiccup than he was. Stoick loved his son dearly and couldn't bear to lose him like they had lost his wife. Stoick looked at the setting sun and wondered how things were in Berk, praying that everything was alright.


	5. Something's Wrong

Astrid sighed with relief walking into the dragon ring to find only Ruffnut and Tuffnut there. Since they were all little, she's shared almost everything with those two, and they never breathed a word. Even though she figured they'd tease her, she needed to get it off her chest.

"What you gonna do about it-oh, hey Astrid," Ruffnut said as Astrid approached them.

"Can we talk?" she clasped her hands together and held her breath.

Their past sibling argument was completely forgotten as they took in Astrid's poisture. Clasped hands, held-in breath, standing completely still and straight. She had something on your mind.

"What's up?" Tuffnut was the first to break the silence.

"Hear me out before you tease me," she threatened. "But." She paused for a moment. "I'm worried about Hiccup."

They both raised an eyebrow, signaling her to continue.

"Remember when Gobber sent me to get him?" They nodded. "Well, I searched everywhere, but I couldn't find him. So I remembered that he's been spending a lot of time in his house ever since the last dragon raid, so I went there. The door was open and he wasn't anywhere in sight. I was looking around his room, and I found his knife."

She paused to look at their reactions. They were blank.

"What's so wrong about that?" Tuffnut asked. "It's a wimpy knife."

"He's _always _has it on him," Astrid reminded them, and they nodded in agreement. "But it was hidden under a bunch of papers on his desk. And it was covered in blood."

"Don't worry about him, Astrid," Ruffnut assured her. "He's probably just practicing his hunting skills. He is taking care of himself while his dad's gone, after all."

Astrid nodded, but didn't feel very reassured. At least she could be comfortable with the fact that the twins wouldn't say a word.

"Would it make you feel better if we went and found him?" Tuffnut asked.

Astrid nodded quickly. The two twins accompanied her as they left the ring.

* * *

Toothless began to become worried. Every time Hiccup had visited him, he seemed more and more stressed and depressed. Not to mention that Hiccup slept here a lot now. Toothless often heard him mumbling in his sleep, having nightmares about how everyone treated him in the village.

And now Hiccup was looking curiously into the pond that was in the cove they were in. Toothless walked over to watch the fish with him. Suddenly, Hiccup dived in. Toothless cocked his head to the side in confusion.

_If he wanted fish, _he chuckled. _I coulda coughed one up. _

Toothless waited. And waited. And waited.

Then he realized Hiccup wasn't coming up.

Toothless roared in panic and dove in, looking around frantically. Then he saw Hiccup, forcing himself further into the water. Toothless grabbed Hiccup's sleeve, tugging hard. He accidentally ripped the sleeve clear off, losing Hiccup again. Hiccup gasped in shock and water sucked itself into his lungs. Toothless grabbed Hiccup's fur vest and pulled him out of the water, putting him in a position where he could easily cough up the water.

Hiccup laid there for a couple of minutes, eyes wide and panting. Then he rested a small hand on one of Toothless' big paws.

"Thanks, bud," he choked out.

Toothless purred in response.

* * *

Astrid, Tuffnut, and Ruffnut were walking through the village when Snotlout and Fishlegs ran up to them.

"What you guys up to?" Fishlegs happily asked.

"We're looking for Hiccup," Astrid explained. "He's been acting weird, and I wanna know what's going on."

"Afraid he'll get better than you?" Snotlout teased, but his laughter ceased when she gave him a death glare.

"Can we come?" Fishlegs asked.

"I don't see why not," Astrid smiled, and the group headed towards the young viking's house. On the way, Astrid explained her findings to the two boys. All of them were now concerned for their peer.

They got quiet as they approached the house, hearing Hiccup screaming and things crashing. Hiccup bolted out the back door, not noticing the group. Astrid's eyes looked at his ripped sleeve to see his healing cut marks. She rushed into the house, the others following behind her. They froze in the entrance of his room.

Papers were torn, things were thrown, and the room was basically destroyed. There were knife marks on the wall that looked like he'd just jabbed it. Astrid hurried over to the desk and searched frantically, covering the entire room in less than a minute.

"He took the knife," she whispered to herself. She shot up and turned to the others. "We have to follow him. Now!"


	6. Toothless To The Rescue

Gobber stood at the docks as the three boats that went on the dragon hunting trip arrived at the docks.

"Stoick!" Gobber happily said, grabbing his friend's hand and pulling him up onto the dock. "How was the trip?"

"We were close!" Stoick exclaimed happily. "We should be able to try one more time before winter hits." He lowered his voice. "How's Hiccup?"

Gobber sighed. "Stoick, I'm worried about him. He's throwing tantrums, almost acting depressed. He disappears most of the time, only shows up for class, and hardly speaks, hardly even moves. Goathi has even stopped me a couple of times to ask me why Hiccup has such a 'dark ora' around him."

"Gobber!" a voice shouted, and Snotlout's mother, Stoick's sister-in-law, appeared at the top of the hill. "Stoick, you're back! You have to come quick! We think Hiccup's trying to kill himself!"

"What?" Stoick panicked, and all of the villagers, both from the boats and from the town, rushed after the messenger.

* * *

"Come on, cousin," Snotlout spoke calmly and slowly. "Just ... Drop the knife."

"No!" Hiccup quickly shook his head, tightening his grip on the knife.

Snotlout, Astrid, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, and Fishlegs had been trying to talk to Hiccup for the past 10 minutes, coax him into dropping his weapon. But Hiccup refused, keeping a tight grip and aiming it right at his heart. They managed to corner him in the dragon arena, and now all of the villagers were surrounding it, aiding in whatever way they could.

Gobber and Stoick rushed in, and Stoick stepped forward.

"Son," he started, but Hiccup yelled, making everyone freeze.

"Don't. Come. Any. Closer," Hiccup warned. "Or ... Or ... Or I'll do it." He motioned to the knife he was holding. "And I won't regret it either."

Astrid started shaking in fear, so Fishlegs turned her away, trying to comfort her. Snotlout narrowed his eyes; his cousin annoyed him, but he didn't deserve to die. Especially by his own hands.

"NIGHT FURY!"

Toothless shot through the metal into the arena and immediately pounced over to Hiccup cautiously.

"Hiccup!" Gobber shouted, but Stoick stopped him.

"Wait," Stoick pointed. "Look!"

Fishlegs and Astrid turned back to the scene to see Hiccup watched Toothless approach him cautiously.

"What are you doing here?" Hiccup snapped at him. "Get out of here! They'll kill you, Toothless!"

"Toothless?" the kids heard Stoick muttered. "He befriended a dragon?"

"That's what kept him going so long," Astrid pointed out. "He made a friend."

Toothless whined and looked at the knife in Hiccup's hands.

"Well, it wouldn't be this way if you just let me drown in the cove," Hiccup snapped, then flinched when Toothless growled.

Toothless once again put on a calm face and inched towards Hiccup. He held his mouth open, and Hiccup sighed.

"You weren't kidding when you promised you'd protect me," Hiccup smiled sadly. "Even if it was from myself." Toothless opened his mouth a little wider in anxiety. "Okay." Hiccup shakily set the knife into Toothless' mouth and Toothless spun around, spitting the knife onto the other side of the arena.

Astrid shot forward and grabbed Hiccup into a hug. Toothless purred and everyone watched in amazement as the events before them unfolded.

Hiccup began crying in Astrid's arms. Toothless sat behind the pair, wrapping his wings around them to protect them, nudging his head against Hiccup's for comfort.

"Toothless," Stoick spoke up, and Toothless looked at the chief with caution. "Thank you." The chief smiled. "Thank you for saving my son."


	7. Rewrite

I didn't like the way this was being written, so I'm going to re-write it, and it may not go exactly with the story-line of the movie, but it should be much darker.


End file.
